Recipe for Disaster
by Blkmeow13
Summary: Chapter 4: My cousin and I getting into more trouble...go figure.
1. Sophmores and Swords Don't Mix

Hello! This was originally a story in my notebook written for just my friends and I, but I figured I might as well put it on line. Hope you enjoy reading it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem and the people in the story (my friends and I) are real people and we own ourselves (Except Reggie, I own his soul)

_Well, this is oficially one of the most boring things I've ever done in my life._

I thought to myself as I stared at the questions in my test booklet

_Whoever wrote these stupid WASL questions seems to have gone out of their way to make them as indecipherable as possible. _

Turning away in disgust, I glanced around the auditorium. Since I was sitting all the way in the back corner I could see pretty much the whole place. The entire sophmore class, plus a few juniors and seniors, were all packed into the large room usually used for concerts. Supposedly we were all taking our tests, but quite a few students appeared to be napping instead.

_Well, even sleeping must be more interesting than this _

I figured as I let my eyes droop closed.

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**"HEY YOU!"**

A voice brought me back to reality

**"What are you doing sleeing in the middle of the road?"**

_Oh, great a teacher_

I thought, trying to pretend I was still asleep. Then it hit me.

_Did he say ROAD?! _

I snapped up and scanned the area quickly. Sure enough, and not a good old asphalt and yellow lines road either. No, it was a dirt road, and I was right in the middle of it. Before I even had a chance to try and comprehend my odd relocation, I suddenly noticed the man who'd awakened me, or, more precisely, I noticed his weird outfit. He looked like something straight out of, I don't know, Peasants Anonymous? Mr. Peasant was just staring at me, so I figured it wouldn't hurt too much to ask him something.

**"Umm...where exactly am I?"**

Giving me an even stranger look than before, which I honestly didn't think possible, he replied

**"Why, we're in Laus..."**

**"LAUS!"**

I shouted, inspiration suddenly striking

**"In Lycia right?"**

Wincing from my shout, my speaking voice is already extreamly loud, he said

**"Uh, yes..."**

He was now looking at me as if I'd dropped off another planet, which, in all actuallity, I had, since I was now on Elibe, the world of Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken.

**"Do you know which way it is to Caelin?"**

I asked the man, hoping to get my bearings and trying to distract him from just how out of place I was.

**"Caelin? That would be in that direction."**

he replied politely, pointing directly behind me. My attempt to look where he was pointing was thawarted by

something hard poking me in the rib as I tried to turn. When I glanced at the offending object I noticed three things:

One- I was not wearing my normal sweatshirt and blue jeans, but instead I had on a black trench-coat like garment that had no sleeves or collar and under that a red turtle-necked t-shirt and black pants and boots.

Two-The hair I had recently had cut off just above my shoulders was now longer than my waist. And it was now a dark shade of blue. _WAIT, I HAVE FRIGGIN __BLUE__ HAIR?!_

Three- The third thing I noticed, and the only thing I bothered to dwell on, was the object that had actually poked me, the sword hanging on my belt. Upon noticing it, the first thing I thout was:

_Now who would be crazy enough to give ME a sword?_

I quickly pushed this thought aside and drew the sword from its sheath so I could examine it closer. The blade appeared to be made of iron, and, without thinking, I reached out to touch it.

**"YOW!"**

I howled, and promptly began to suck on my bleeding finger.

_Yes, O stupid one, swords are sharp!_

I mentally chided myself for doing something so stupid. Just as I was about to ask the confused peasant another question, I heard crashing an a loud shout off to my right. I turned to look just in time to see a strange guy come smashing out of the thicket, brandishing an axe and charging right for me. The peasant who'd found me screamed

_Holy crap, he screamed higher than I do..._

and went tearing off in the direction I assumed he'd come from.

_Well I already have my sword out, I may as well fight this guy..._

I hopped to my feet just as he reached me and managed to sidestep just as he brought his axe down in the place I'd been just a moment before. I jumped back as he spun to face me once again, and quickly my sword up to deflect the blow hed just aimed at my head. His iron axe glanced off my sword an he was thrown off balance for just a second. I was just about to slice at his exposed throat when I got a good look at his face. His hair was a few shades lighter, and his eyes were now sea green but there was no mistaking him.

**"Tyler!"**

I shouted in shock and realization. He recognized me as soon as I opened my mouth

**"Arianna? What are you doing here?"**

he demanded, not even bothering to explain why he'd just tried to kill me.

**"I was gonna ask YOU that! What are you doing swinging that axe around like a maniac?!"**

I growled back at him. We immediately launched into another one of our arguments or, more accurately, screaming matches. We probably would have killed each other right then and there, I'm honestly surprised we haven't already, but before we could start back at each other's throats we were interrupted by more crashing in the underbrush. The two of us stopped screaming just in time to find ourselves surrounded by five men, three with axes, one with a sword, and one bowman.

**"Oh, crap..."**

we both muttered

Oh look... we're screwed! Anyway, sorry for the cliffhanger, but I wanted to keep the chapters fairly short. I try to update regularly but no promises.

P.S. For those of you who don't know, WASL stands for Washington Assesment of Student Learning. You take it your sophmore year and it must be passed in order to graduate. If you fail, you get to take it again the next year. Standardized tests SUCK...


	2. Don't Touch My Hat

Sorry for taking so long to update, I'll try to do it sooner next time.

I don't own Fire Emblem

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So there we were me and a guy who usually got into arguments, or should I say, screaming matches every time we were in the same room, surrounded by bandits.

_Yeah, we're completely screwed!_ I thought as I looked around. It was at that moment that one of our assailants stepped forward.

"If ya hand over yer valuables now we might just consider letting you live!" he told us with a sneer. Now, I know I probably should have been more concerned about getting mugged, but, I admit, as that bandit stood there smiling at us, the only thing ran through my head was: _Eww…dude, get a toothbrush!_ The brown-toothed bandit quickly noted the odd look I was giving him and snapped at me.

"What are you staring at wench?!" he growled, all the while continuing to bear his nasty teeth. _Wench? I've been called a lot of bad names, but wench definitely isn't one of them_.

"I'm staring at the ugliest individual I've ever seen…" I mumbled under my breath.

"What did you just say!" he roared "That's it boys, git 'em!" I mentally cursed myself for saying that out loud as the bandit and his ugly friends advanced on us, all of them smiling the same vicious smile. _I guess there's no choice now_… I thought, raising my sword and mentally bracing to probably get my butt kicked. _Let's see, according to the weapons triangle I should have an advantage against these axe users._ Just as I thought this, the closest brigand charged toward me, swinging his axe parallel to the ground as he drew near, but luckily for me, was a good ten inches shorter than he was, so I didn't have to duck very far to dodge his swing. His axe passed just over my head, and now inside his guard, I immediately took the opportunity to slash at his torso. My sword glided neatly through the flesh of his chest until it began to hit bone. Let me be the first to say, the feeling of a metal blade grating against bone is quite disgusting for both parties involved, though only painful for one. The bandit howled and fell back, dropping his iron axe in favor of holding the bleeding gash in his chest.

The bandit leader jumped forward just as the other bandit fell, and I barely managed to sidestep in time to avoid his swing. His axe stuck firmly into the ground and I took the brief moment to glance in Tyler's direction to see how he was doing. His axe was currently locked with the swordsman's iron sword in a struggle to disarm each other; meanwhile the remaining axeman was on the ground trying to staunch the flow of blood from his femoral artery.

I heard a grunt from the bandit leader and turned my attention back to him in time to see him free his axe from the dirt, stumbling back slightly as it came out. I raised my sword again, expecting to have to parry another blow, but instead he simply stood there, an odd grin spreading across his face as he glanced nonchalantly over his shoulder. As I stared at him in obvious confusion, he suddenly took a large step to his left, and by the time I realized why, it was already too late. The archer had already released the arrow, which embedded itself in my right shoulder before I could react. I was stunned for a moment, as I simply stood there staring at the feathered shaft sticking out of my shoulder, that is, until the pain set in.

"YYOOWWW" I howled, clutching the wound and causing everyone to cover their ears, pained expressions on their faces as well. After a moment's pause for everyone's hearing to return to a semi-useable level, I heard another "snap" as the grinning archer let another arrow fly in my direction. Not wishing to repeat the experience, I jerked back in an attempt to dodge the arrow, and I succeeded…mostly…

The arrow missed me, but it did hit the bill of my favorite black hat, sticking into it and sending my poor hat flying off my head, to land in the dust a little ways away. At that moment, everyone froze again, perhaps anticipating another deafening scream. Everyone, except Tyler, that is. He having seen my hat hit the ground, and knowing full well what would happen next, was slowly but surely backing away from me.

I stared at my fallen headwear, gritting my teeth and trying to control my temper. I failed at that, miserably.

This section has been edited for language 

"Why you little b!" I roared, whirling to face the now stunned archer "What the f do you think you're fing doing, shooting my fing hat!?" The archer simply stared at me in response, his face a mixture of shock and mortal terror. As for me, I had only one thought on my mind: This little bastard's gonna DIE.

I gripped my sword, all other things forgotten, and charged toward the archer, rage and murder shining in my eyes. He fumbled desperately to notch another arrow, and finally managed to get off a shot, which flew wide of me because his hand was shaking. He grabbed for another, but by then it was too late. I sprang up in front of him, holding my sword above my head for a moment before bringing it smashing down on him with all the strength I could muster. The blade slid cleanly through his right shoulder, but lodged itself momentarily in his collarbone before it ripped free and continued down diagonally to leave a large gash the length of his torso.

Still enraged, I spun to face the other two bandits, now ignoring the archer who was writhing on the ground behind me. The swordsman who had been fighting with Tyler started toward me, but took only one step forward before he suddenly froze. My anger now gave way to confusion, which only worsened when he inexplicably dropped his sword in the dirt beside him. Now I completely baffled, as was the last remaining bandit, but luckily that didn't last long as the swordsman fell face-first in the dirt revealing the figure who had been standing behind him. The bandit's killer had sea-blue eyes and hair that was pure white. In his right hand he held a sword, just like mine, that was covered in the bandit's blood. He grinned viciously at the last remaining bandit.

"Want to be next?" he asked, his voice dripping with venom. The bandit froze for a moment, looking at the three of us then his fallen comrades, before hightailing it into the forest.

I just smiled at the newcomer. That voice and attitude were unmistakable. "Hi, Zac!" I said with a grin.

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So there's chapter two, and yes I really do yell like that when I get mad. BTW in case you don't know me, I wear that hat all the time.


	3. Knives in the Ceiling

Hey all! I'm finally back again. Contrary to what some people might think, I'm not dead, though I can't say the same for my home computer. Anyways, I'm finally able to get up chapter 3, so here you go.

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"HEY! WILL YOU WAKE UP!" a loud shout echoed in my ears.

"Huh?" I groaned, sitting up and rubbing the back of my head where I had hit the ground. 'What happened?' I thought, sitting up and looking around for the second time that day. I must have been out for a while, since night had fallen all around us. Leaning slightly over me Zac grinned and commented:

"So, finally woke up again, huh, you friggin' crybaby!" I looked at him for a moment, confused, before recalling just what he was talking about.

"Damn you, Zac!" I roared, now that I remembered why I'd been out cold. Seems _someone _had the brilliant idea to remove the arrow in my shoulder by planting his booted foot on the lower part of my ribcage and pulling on the shaft until it ripped out. I was unconscious before I ever hit the ground, and I can definitely attest to the fact that an arrowhead hurts much worse coming out than going in. Now that I was awake; however, I was feeling both the effects of my wounded shoulder as well as my abrupt meeting with the ground, and I was none too happy about any of it.

"Aww, what are you complaining about? It worked didn't it? And besides, we're the ones who had to drag your fat a off the road when you passed out!" he shot back, giving me the same grin he had after so many other stupid decisions. My mind quickly flashed back to a certain incident which nearly brought a rain of knives down on a certain cousin's head…

"Who the h are you calling fat! At least I'm not a moron like you! Remember the time you were flicking your mom's kitchen knives in the ceiling and you tried to do it with a meat cleaver? Me AND Curtis both friggin' told you not to, but you did it anyways! The cleaver and most of those knives almost wound up buried in the top of your head! And then there was the time you smashed a hole in the wall with a hammer and then…"

"HEY!" Tyler shouted at us, interrupting my tirade when I just gotten on a roll. Apparently he'd be trying to get our attention for some time.

"What do you WANT?" I snapped at him, further irritated by being interrupted.

"Has either of you two idiots noticed that there's a friggin' army coming toward us? It's kinda hard to miss if you shut up for a minute!" Both Zac and I gaped at him for a brief second before realizing what he was talking about. A ways down the road from us was a cavalcade of soldiers, wagons, and mounted units, all headed in our direction. The entire massive procession was lit by intermittent torches, a red glow against the pitch dark night.

"Oh…" was all I could think to reply. Zac snorted in response.

"Yeah, definitely _kinda_ hard to miss, unless you happen to be the queen of oblivious over here" he said, jerking a finger in my direction. I just stuck my tongue out at him, for lack of a better retort. Tyler just rolled his eyes at us.

"So what do we do now?" he asked to no one in particular. "I don't know about you guys, but I highly this is the safest place to be right now." Once again, Zac and I stared at him blankly, neither one of us having dealt with strange armies before.

"Maybe they're an umm… friendly army?" I offered, knowing full it would sound stupid and saying it anyways. 'Mouth wins over mind once again…' I thought to my self as the two boys gave me the "woman, your mind is gone" look.

"Since I highly doubt that it's a 'friendly' army, I suggest we get the h out of here!" Zac commented, throwing in a scoff at the friendly part. "Considering we look like two mercs and a bandit, I don't think we'd be received well." Tyler nodded in agreement with him.

"But wait a minute!" I cut in. "What I meant by friendly is that could be Hector's army! Since they're headed from Laus to Caelin it would make sense! And if it is them shouldn't we stay and help them?" When the boys continued giving me a skeptical look I added "Besides, it's already too late to take off, as I'm sure they're aware of us by now. Running away now would only make us seem more suspicious." I grinned as they traded an unsure look.

"I guess…but…" Zac said, pausing briefly.

"But what?" Tyler asked him, already taking his opinion over mine.

"But that could also be Darin's forces. They'd be going this same way too, wouldn't they?" he asked, looking at me again. I just shrugged.

"I don't know, I guess they could be, but so what? We'd just end up being bad guys for a while, than we could join Hector and co. later. Besides, you're the one who always acts like a jerk on video games anyways. It's a little late to be growing a conscience about it" I smirked at Zac triumphantly.

"Well, I guess working for a power-crazed maniac for a _little_ while wouldn't be too bad." With a devious look, Zac added "Especially if the pay's good!"

"Now hold on a minute!" Tyler shouted as Zac and I had already started off down the road "Don't I get a say in this?"

"H NO!" both of us yelled back at him. "Now, HURRY UP!" I added. With an exasperated sigh, Tyler gave up and followed the two of us toward the unknown army.

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Not that much going on in this chapter, and yes, for those who caught it, Zac is my cousin. I'm still getting back into the swing of things. I was going to go into the next scene in this chapter, but I'm actually supposed to be working on the history paper that's due tommorrow. Since said paper happens to 20 of our grade this semester, it'll just have to wait 'till next time.


	4. How to Piss Off a CO 101

'Well, I guess being a bad guy isn't that bad… Knowing your going to lose a battle ahead of time sure kills the morale though' I mused to myself as I sat, leaning against the wheel of one of the many wagons parked on the dense grass. "I don't know how the h you managed to talk these guys into hiring us" I told Zac for what must have been the thousandth time since late last night. Having been marching nonstop since then, the three of us were resting a short ways away from the other mercenaries who worked for Darin.

"What? How could you doubt _me_?!" he replied with a look of mock-hurt. "Besides, we do know how to fight, so I wasn't actually lying."

"Not that it would have bothered you if you had." I muttered back. Tyler laughed at my comment shortly before being silenced by Zac's glare. When it became apparent that I was too busy people-watching to continue the conversation, the two guys started talking to each other about some show they'd seen. The army of Laus was definitely an interesting mix of people, something I had never noticed while simply playing the game from the comfort of my living room. Right now, we, along with several units of soldiers and most of the other mercs, were camped on a ledge overlooking Castle Caelin. The main force of the army was positioned closer to the castle, awaiting the cover of night to make their assault. 'I feel kind bad knowing they're about to get attacked and not doing anything about it... but then I guess it doesn't matter since Hector and Eliwood will be here to kick that ahole Darin out of here anyway.' I thought with a shrug.

My bored thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a resounding crash. Silence fell over the entire camp as everyone turned to look at one of our fellow soldiers. A mage to judge by his clothes, he stared in horror at the large cooking pot he'd accidentally overturned, spilling it's contents all over the ground effectively putting out the fire it had been suspended over. The silence didn't last long, however, as our "commander" quickly noticed the clumsy mage's mess. The commander, a knight I recalled was named Boors, stomped over to the terrified soldier, his every step resulting in a clanging noise I'd previously only associated with my siblings pounding on my mother's cookware first thing in the morning. Pausing, as he stared down the mage who stood a good foot or so shorter than him, the overgrown knight looked about to eat the poor guy.

'This ain't gonna end well…' I mentally predicted. Suddenly, apparently figuring the silence wasn't scaring him enough, Boors roared at the top of his lungs "WHAT THE H DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING!?" Anyone who hadn't been staring at the scene before was definitely looking now.

"Sweet Sithis, if the Caelin Knights didn't know we were here before, they must now!" I muttered to my cousin as I jammed my pinky in my ringing left ear.

"Never thought I'd meet someone louder than you…" Zac said with a roll of his eyes.

"No kidding," added Tyler "that armor must amplify his voice or something like…"

He was abruptly cut off as the armored giant roared once again.

"HEY, I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!!" By this point the guy on the receiving end of Boors' verbal assault looked ready to either cry or pee his pants…or both. Glancing over at Zac, I jerked a thumb in the bellowing knight's direction.

"Should we?" I asked him, a smirk pulling at the corners of my mouth. Catching my meaning immediately, he broke into a huge, mischievous grin. It's like the two of us always used to say, "great minds think alike". Or in our case I suppose that would be extremely twisted minds…

"Well, you and I are probably a lot more used to getting screamed at than mama's boy over there" he replied, standing up and brushing the grass off his black pants. I followed suit, and with one last nod exchanged the two of us fell in step as we strode over to get our heads bitten off. 'It's only fitting that I'm with Zac for this' I thought 'after all about 80 of the moments I find myself running from something or someone and/or asking "what the h was I thinking" involved Zac in some way.' Of course despite the fact that I usually follow him rather than the other way around, since I'm actually the older of us "It was his idea" really doesn't fly.

By now we were within two yards of the still screaming knight. Just as both of us came to a halt, Boors noticed us. "What, you two got a problem?" he leered at us.

"I don't know, would the fact that a certain loud, annoying ahole is giving me a headache be considered a problem?" I said, baring my teeth in a mocking grin. His face abruptly changed from a sneer to rage. Before he had a chance to react Zac added

"You know if you don't stop screaming like some old b soon, General Bernard will have to send back a messenger just to tell you to shut the h up." To top it all off, Zac gave him the same infuriating smirk that had pissed off so many authority figures before. By this point, Boors looked about to burst a blood vessel and the mage's we so wide they looked like they might fall out.

"YOU TWO BRATS WANNA DIE?!" he roared at us, enraged. Mentally, I winced, though I made sure to keep the grin firmly in place.

'Here we go again…'

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Zac and I getting into all kinds of trouble... well I guess that's pretty normal actually... Anyway, I'll get back to the fighting next chapter, I promise.


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